Sunday, 3 May 2015


I find that I'm hyper aware of myself when I'm going through a change. This probably has a lot to do with the fact that my changes are quite drastic.

A lot will change at once and it will reflect in everything from my speech to my taste in music to my hair colour. Of course I am still the same person- but a very different brand of myself.

Sometimes I try completely new things, sometimes I revert to things I loved in the past. I'm currently doing both.

I'm knee deep in my 70s punk phase all over again. I remember my first punk phase (it was more punk pop like Green Day and Good Charlotte though), my second (Sid and Nancy was my favourite film for a very long time) and now I'm in my third. The Clash, Buzzcocks, Richard Hell and the Voidoids, The Adicts, Ramones, Gen X, The Jam... dreamy sigh. Which sadly means I've been paying much less attention to korean music lately (but still keeping a distant watch on Block B as always).

As I get older I find I go less through 'phases' but more evolutions, not always completely dropping what I was doing in the previous form. I've had pink hair for over a year and a half now, I've been collecting character merch like Sanrio San-x My Little Pony etc. for a decade, I haven't worn jeans in 4 years. That's part of growing up- you figure out what you like and keep doing that. I could possibly be finding my niche. But watch me say that and move on to the next thing...

A big part of my current shift is that my lifestyle went 180 in December last year when I got my second job. I went from a casual store employee with a 5am bedtime to being an office employee who starts at 7am. This is the first time since I left school in 2011 that I've been up and out 5 days a week. 

Working in an office meant I had to do a bit less of fun stuff like sticking rhinestones to my face and more high buns, dress shoes. Less denim jackets and sneakers, more day planners and phone manner. I've started wearing heels a lot and getting more into himekaji/gyaru, namely picking up a lot of LizLisa, DreamV and Penderie items. I put together a spank! coord and find myself yearning for florals and My Melody. I've been doing a lot of clothes shopping. I need to start selling some of my old things.

I keep finding I want to appear 'opulent' rather than casual and cute.. I used to be quite happy with a cotton dress and reeboks but now I reject plastic rings for my Tarina Tarantino one, choose Milk heels over comfier rocking horse shoes, wear my LizMelo handbag whenever possible. This relates back to the growing up thing I guess. I just don't want to be one of those people that thinks they can't be into 'cute' any more because they're getting older. I'm trying to find mature and sophisticated ways to incorporate my pink and Sanrio into my look.

I'm rambling, and I have been rambling about this for the past few months on my twitter, but so much has come together for me in such a short time it feels like graduation. I never graduated high school, I was stuck in limbo for over three years not knowing what to do or what I even wanted to do. Things came together so well that I am now able to save up for a place, plan my wedding, and I'm also more confident about doing menial things like buying lunch because I'm being social every day and not in an anxious slump anymore.

So, happy graduation.

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